What's mines is mines & what's YOURS is mines

Updated: Nov 12, 2020

A popular saying you may have heard is "what is mines, is mines, and what is yours is mines" but let's be honest, is this really fair for both parties in a relationship? Listen, we all have grown up with our own ideas about how to handle money and when we get into relationships with others, our ideas can clash if we aren't careful. This is why it is necessary to have the 'Money Talk" with your partner before you get into a serious relationship.

Create Goals Together 

One of the best ways to create a platform for great money discussions is to work together to create shared goals. That way, when you talk about why you want to do certain things with your shared money, you have established what exactly it is you are working toward.

Understand and Appreciate Different Money Styles  Many people in relationships find that they grew up in a household or have past experiences that give them a different perspective than their partner. If your significant other has unique attitudes or practices surrounding money, work to show that you understand and value those ideas instead of trying to criticize or change them.

Be Organized  To get the most out of your financial talks, it helps to not only have easy access to your important financial papers or data, but also to make a list of the topics you want to discuss. This will keep the meeting focused and carve out a more efficient path to finding solutions.

Don’t Bring in Outside Issues Do your best to not bring non-financial qualms to the table when you have your money talks. They only make it harder to achieve successful outcomes with your money.

Keep a Positive Partnership Perspective  Instead of demanding, “You need to do this” or “You need to stop that”, keep the focus on each doing your part to reach the goals you have set for yourselves. No one likes to be henpecked for their mistakes or shortcomings. If you are too negative, you risk creating a toxic environment around money discussions.

Schedule a Regular Check-in  Irregular or unfocused talks can actually do more harm than good since they can give the impression that everything is in tip-top shape. Set a time at least once a month – with TV off and other distractions eliminated – to have a full conversation about any pressing financial matters.

Sum Up

Once you are finished with your money talk, summarize what was decided and what the next steps are. This will help to make sure there aren’t any misunderstandings or that a ball doesn’t get dropped.

Get Help 

You’ve probably been told that marriages/relationships take work. The same is true with your money matters. But by being committed to communicating in a meaningful and effective way, you can save yourself a lot of heartache down the road. You may find that it helps to have a neutral third party go over your finances with you. A counselor trained in reviewing budgets and other financial information can help you sort through a lot of the matters for which you and your significant other aren’t finding common ground. As a certified personal finance counselor, I am here to assist you with your financial concerns. Please visit www.skillz4life2020.com or email skillz4life2020@gmail.com for more information.


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•Step 1: Define the problem/challenge •Start with a positive statement •Be specific •Use “I” rather than “you” •Acknowledge your role •Keep it short and simple Step 2: Ask for the other person's persp